Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
