Moan for me like Helen Keller
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
