She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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