Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
