the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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