3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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