I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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