Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
