dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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