Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
