girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
