do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
