He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
