Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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