I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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