your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
