Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
