He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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