Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
