I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
