we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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