At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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