What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
