he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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