I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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