I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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