I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
