This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
