guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You dont lie about slip and slides
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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