girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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