The maid of honor just puked.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
