omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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