he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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