Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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