Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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