yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
