I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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