your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize