I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
