I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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