I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
