Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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