I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
