I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
