she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
