The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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