You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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