AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
