This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
