You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
