Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize