God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize