this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
