If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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