i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
