She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
