ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
