I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
