Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just blew my weed a kiss
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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