i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
