We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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