I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
