All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
