She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
