Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
