hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
